Oh No He Didn't (just say that)
Posted By: Emily Elling
Emily Elling lives downtown Indianapolis with her husband of 10 years and her four unintentionally hilarious children, Piper, 7, Nola, 5, Gage, 2, and baby Paul, born January 2012.
My husband is the absolute sweetest guy, the kind of guy that wouldn't intentionally say anything to hurt my feelings or make me angry. But sometimes, especially during those first few weeks and months postpartum when my hormones are 100% insane, he opens his mouth, and what he thinks is a totally rational thing to say or bring up, instead is twisted around in my mind and taken the wrong way.
Yes, I'm an emotional pregnant lady. What about it?
Over the years he's definitely learned through trial and error how to communicate with me, his crazy pregnant wife. You know, things to say, and things to never ever say, if he wants to live another day.
Quickly off the top of my head, a few things I remember my husband saying to me while I was pregnant, that he probably should have just skipped and kept to himself:
Because yes, I took it the wrong way.
"Did your doctor say it was OK to gain this much weight?" I know he was just curious, but do we have to discuss it? Yes, I've gained a reasonable amount of weight, now pass me the cake.
"I'm just really exhausted these days, and I haven't been sleeping well at all." Oh yeah, I have no idea what that feels like.
"Can you be the designated driver tonight?" Um, do I really have a choice? But yes, you all enjoy your drinks and I'll safely drive you all home at the end of the game.
And then there were a few sensitive postpartum conversations he probably shouldn't have started:
1. "How many times was the baby up last night?" This implies that he slept through the night and didn't hear the baby get up every 90 minutes. Yeah, the baby was up to feed five times. But glad you got your beauty rest!
2. "I would get up in the middle of the night to help, but my boobs don't work. And anyway, I need my sleep because I have to go to work in the morning." Excuse me? But taking care of 4 kids, one of which is an infant sounds like a J.O.B. to me. Additionally, here's a bottle filled with expressed breast milk. Enjoy the 3am infomercial on channel 59.
3. "So it's been six weeks, and you've been cleared by your doctor to *ahem*, you know, right?" Nope. Nope. Just nope. Did you see what happened down there six weeks ago? I'll let you know when the waiting period is up.
And I can joke about it now, but at the time I was easily offended and was told more than a few times to lighten up.
But the good news for my husband? This roller coaster ride my hormones are on is temporary. I will get back to my normal and more understanding self someday. But until then, dear husband? Bear with me and tread lightly. I'm fragile.
7:00pm on Monday November 26