Parenting Changes Romance But Not Necessarily For the Worse

Nancy Horn

Posted By: Nancy Horn

After struggling with breastfeeding my first two children, I'm extremely optimistic about a more successful experience with my third and hope to make it to at least six months.

I'm not going to beat around the bush: after having three kids in five years, my romantic life with my husband has definitely suffered.

We used to look at each other all starry-eyed but once our first child was born in the fall of 2005, things were definitely not the same. We were exhausted most of the time, I had nursing issues, and it didn't help that my libido was practically non-existent, plus I had a medical complication that made things difficult for a many, many months afterwards.

Then we decided to get pregnant again and things got more back on track. But THEN we were derailed by other factors when we were not able to conceive our second child for over 6 months until we sought some medical assistance.

Add in the pregnancy and then a baby that screamed for two and a half months straight, plus some nursing problems and other stresses with my older child and family. We were just basically trying to survive parenthood and life.

I finally started getting my va va va voom back when my daughter was approaching two-years-old (guys always seem to have no problem with libido). And then a surprise pregnancy at age 39 didn't help things romantically.

After having our third child this summer, things are surprisingly getting on track again quicker. I've learned to balance motherhood and womanhood easier. I credit it to breastfeeding. I feel successful because breastfeeding is going well and that's making me happier -- which in turn makes my husband happier. That makes me want romance and closeness with him.

While we still don't get as many romantic interludes as we'd like, we try to make more time for them. And this time I'm more in tune with my body and I feel my libido awakening again. We've definitely got to figure out how to spend time without children, but until that happens, we can make sure we spend time together at home, once our children are asleep, even if we are just watching "The Office."

And yes, I'm usually nursing as we sit and talk, but that's okay. It's part of me now. We still find time to cuddle, but that's usually in the morning when I'm nursing. I know some couples can be romantic and co-sleep, but we're not there yet. But I'm hopeful we will be.

We may never be back to the starry-eyed new love stage, but sharing some romance with the man I love, is something that makes me happy!

9:47am on Tuesday February 15


Nancy Horn
11:46pm on Friday March 4

Thank you for commenting Elizabeth!

Elizabeth Brooks
12:12pm on Thursday February 24

I understand completely! I had 3 babies in 4 years and, with each, came new reasons for us to put off being together. My youngest is now 7 and I am pregnant with our 4th. I have almost no sex drive in this pregnancy, but I'm hoping that will come back and I'm hoping that it will be easier to get into a routine after the baby is born, since we've "been there" before. I am hoping that I can be a great mom and wife, successful at breastfeeding and find time for my husband as well as my boys.

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